Dark and Full of Terrors

For kawaida Kenyans who are just trying to make a life, Nairobi is bad vibes, we know this.  But after spending the better part of 2020 at the coast, I had missed some of the comforts of home: fast food that gets to the house half an hour after I’ve ordered it, constant WiFi (when Zuku and KPLC feel like …

The Distance Between Us

Alternative Title 1: Why Does Friendship Get Harder as You Get Older? Alternative Title 2: For Julie Friendship is a funny thing. One moment you’re going about the business of existing in a capitalist world that takes everything from you (your time, your energy, your relationships, your dignity, your will to live, et cetera) and then mocks you for not …

My Way Back Home

Every day I sit in the verandah drinking tea and soaking in the quiet and I feel more and more at home. I think about what this year has been like for me, how a lot of it has been about me come home to myself, finding home in the most unexpected places, learning that home can be more than one place at a time.

Growth, and with it, happiness

In an ideal world, right now I would be out day-drinking with my friends. I would have had a lovely breakfast of French toast, good coffee, sausages and a fruit salad. I would have received so many Mpesa messages that I would be unable to receive any more money. I would be wearing a new dress and new shoes and …

Like Watching Beyoncé

There are few things more inspiring to me than a Beyoncé performance. And these are just the performances I have seen on YouTube. I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to see her live. When I watch those videos and see people pulling out their hair and foaming at the mouth and screaming themselves hoarse before the woman …

The Shattering

After years and years, you will finally learn the sound a heart makes when it breaks. You will realise that it is a slow process, one crack after another; so quiet that you will only hear them getting a bit bigger when it’s dark out and the only competing sound is that of your breathing. You will do everything you …

The Imposter

The Imposter will come upon you quickly and suddenly. She will come often but that won’t stop you from being startled each time she pounces, from feeling winded each time she fades into the background of your life, leaving you to begin building a false sense of security before she pounces again and shatters everything you think you are worth. …

Little Black Dress

There is a dress that sits somewhere in my wardrobe, folded with everything else as though it holds no special meaning to me. My mother bought that dress two years ago—the money was hers, I mean. It was one of those glorious days when she expresses love by saying, “I saw some nice clothes at this shop near the salon …

Just Jam

I used to sing. People who have only known me in the last two years don’t know this about me and I am happy to keep it that way. I was decent at it so when I walked away from it two years ago, everybody and their grandmother had questions. ‘So have you quit music for good?’ ‘Will you ever …

A Year of Lessons

The year has gone by fast. By ‘the year’, I mean last year because this post was supposed to go up before 2018 closed its eyes. One minute the blog is down because the nice people at the domain company decided to ignore my payment, and the next, it’s January and I have gone about six months without writing. Around …